Project: GONE Step 1 – DONE

Because I watched a Tagalog movie last night, I suddenly remembered one of my favorites, that one by Aga Muhlach and Regine Velasquez: “Pangako, Ikaw Lang“. I remembered my favorite scene, Bobby Andrews’ monologue to Regine. Then there it was, a light bulb moment. I know what my problem is. “Sa puso’t isipan ko inangkin ko na s’ya“.  That’s why I’m finding it so hard to let him go. Feeling that I had this eureka moment, I had to find someone to talk to about it. At 2AM. Good thing A was in a different continent so she was up and available for a little chat. I told her about my Project GONE and asked her to read my blog entry. She asked me if I’m done with Step 1, which is the easiest and the most quantifiable. I said no. Then I made a pact with her that I will start Step 1 before sleeping and that I wouldn’t leave a single one out. And so I did. Re-reading his past messages felt bittersweet. Nostalgia, sweet nostalgia. I remembered the first time I saw him, the first time I was taken by his smile. The first time I received a text message from him, the times when he would still address me with a different nickname, the holiday greetings, the “pangungulits“, the encouragements, the concern, the arguments, the “kiligs“, and all the other stories behind those messages. And when I deleted the first one, I felt like I was cutting a piece of my history. A part of me is no longer relevant to my future, a part of me is lost forever. Yes, I am sentimental like dut. It pained me to do it but went through with it I did, with snippets of reminiscing in between. A would be proud. There’s no trace left. And of course, future messages will be immediately deleted upon reading them unless there is important information that needs to be saved for future reference. “Lulusot pa eh.” Hahaha! 😀

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