Today I want to talk about God. And how amazing He is. I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason. The reason may not be immediately apparent but eventually the purpose will be revealed. And we will understand what used to be unclear. I want to share a story. G’s story. I may have already written about him in previous posts but let me still give a short background.
I met G when I was in grade school, 3rd grade to be exact. Young as I was, I already developed a crush on him. This carried on until we were in 6th grade and that was when I was able to convince myself I loved him. I loved him up until high school. Even when I was in college. We went through a lot of admitting our feelings, almost getting together moments. But it never worked out. There was always something in the way. But all those years, I’ve prayed to God. I prayed that God would give us a chance to be together. He was the love of my life. I didn’t see myself being with anyone else. We lose touch, then we rediscover our connection. It was a never ending cycle. Everyone thought I was wasting my time and energy with a love that was never meant to be. But still I prayed to God for him. I thought if I persevered enough and God sees how much I wanted it, He will eventually hear me.
In 2008, after leaving my first job, I thought God has finally heeded my prayers. G sought me out and everything fell into place. I thought all those years of waiting have finally paid off. I thought I hit the jackpot. Winning the lotto would not have compared to how happy I was. Not long after, things started to go sour. I began to see how different we were. The problems started to pour in. I was hurting. And I was disappointed. But because I’ve prayed so hard for it, I wanted to try a little harder to make it all work out. But in the end, my little bubble still burst. I kept asking God why. I’ve waited so long and it ended so fast. I really thought God hated me. My one wish, my one ticket to be happy, He really had to take it away.
I eventually stopped crying. And that’s when I realized that God didn’t hate me. God loved me so much and that’s why He took G away. Because G and I do not make a great team. Because G hurt me. It’s not the life God wanted for me. No matter how much I wanted G, God took him away because we wants me to have someone better. He gave me a glimpse of what life will be like with G so I will realize how wrong he was for me. God wanted me to have closure. He wanted me to stop pining for him. He wanted me to move on and find a better partner. God knows what’s best. We only need to have faith in His plans and His timing. Our darkest time will eventually reveal a silver lining. I am happy now. I like how my life turned out after I closed the G chapter. Life would have been so different had we ended up together.
And that’s why I believe everything happens for a reason. It may take time before we realize it, but it’s there. We just gotta believe it.
I am Complicated. 