You know those marriage pacts between friends? The ones that go like, “When we turn 40 (or whatever age they think of) and we’re both still single, let’s just get married.”? I don’t really know how it happened, how people were able to come up with this idea. And it’s become such a popular notion among my peers. The problem with this is that it makes people settle for being a last resort, an option, a safety net, a fallback. Because why do you need to wait for a certain age for you to get together? So when you have exhausted all your options then you’ll settle for me? What’s wrong with being with me now? Am I not good enough at this point? Sorry but this concept is so wrong on so many levels.
I looked in your eyes.
I saw tenderness and love.
I blinked, and it’s gone.
I used to love you.
I chose you before myself.
But now I let go.
My heart’s full of light.
I’m happy when I’m with you.
Everything is bright.
Today I want to talk about God. And how amazing He is. I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason. The reason may not be immediately apparent but eventually the purpose will be revealed. And we will understand what used to be unclear. I want to share a story. G’s story. I may have already written about him in previous posts but let me still give a short background.
I met G when I was in grade school, 3rd grade to be exact. Young as I was, I already developed a crush on him. This carried on until we were in 6th grade and that was when I was able to convince myself I loved him. I loved him up until high school. Even when I was in college. We went through a lot of admitting our feelings, almost getting together moments. But it never worked out. There was always something in the way. But all those years, I’ve prayed to God. I prayed that God would give us a chance to be together. He was the love of my life. I didn’t see myself being with anyone else. We lose touch, then we rediscover our connection. It was a never ending cycle. Everyone thought I was wasting my time and energy with a love that was never meant to be. But still I prayed to God for him. I thought if I persevered enough and God sees how much I wanted it, He will eventually hear me.
In 2008, after leaving my first job, I thought God has finally heeded my prayers. G sought me out and everything fell into place. I thought all those years of waiting have finally paid off. I thought I hit the jackpot. Winning the lotto would not have compared to how happy I was. Not long after, things started to go sour. I began to see how different we were. The problems started to pour in. I was hurting. And I was disappointed. But because I’ve prayed so hard for it, I wanted to try a little harder to make it all work out. But in the end, my little bubble still burst. I kept asking God why. I’ve waited so long and it ended so fast. I really thought God hated me. My one wish, my one ticket to be happy, He really had to take it away.
I eventually stopped crying. And that’s when I realized that God didn’t hate me. God loved me so much and that’s why He took G away. Because G and I do not make a great team. Because G hurt me. It’s not the life God wanted for me. No matter how much I wanted G, God took him away because we wants me to have someone better. He gave me a glimpse of what life will be like with G so I will realize how wrong he was for me. God wanted me to have closure. He wanted me to stop pining for him. He wanted me to move on and find a better partner. God knows what’s best. We only need to have faith in His plans and His timing. Our darkest time will eventually reveal a silver lining. I am happy now. I like how my life turned out after I closed the G chapter. Life would have been so different had we ended up together.
And that’s why I believe everything happens for a reason. It may take time before we realize it, but it’s there. We just gotta believe it.
This song never fails to make my cry. I feel the physiological twist in my heart every time I hear it. It’s just so sad! But it’s everything I want to say. The lyrics are my exact sentiments at this time. I’m not up for a long post on what happened yet so this will have to do for now. *Lie down on the bed, hug pillow, try not to cry… cry a little… cry a lot…*
I was too lazy to do this last December (“last December”, as if it was a long time ago haha!) so I’m just making it now. It’s nice to look back and see the highlights (and lowlights) of the year that was.
- The great Pampanga Food Trip, which I became to lazy to blog about. This was when I met Rose.
- Niña, a college classmate/friend, joined our lunch out c/o the Mendoza family and I saw her again after more than 10 years. I hadn’t seen her since she graduated from college. She even invited us to her wedding, which I wasn’t able to attend.
- Weekend work galore.
- Reconnected with an ex. My first boyfriend. Hahaha.
- I was on NALA shift and worked during Sundays. So technically I had no social life.
- Noel left for Singapore. Ross and I went with him to the airport. I cried like a baby. Haha.
- Valentine’s date with my favorite group in the world. As always, the boys were prepared with gifts. Sadly though, Randy was out of the country. We just talked to him via FaceTime.
- Started going to gym with Ron.
- Finally learned to play DOTA.
- I started going to the gym with my office friends who are also my project mates.
- I watched Fuerza Bruta with Jason. It’s my first time to watch such an interactive play.
- Finally I was rolled off from that project I hated so much.
- Lea’s bachelorette party. It was my first time to witness a live male strip dance. Hahaha.
- Lea got married to Ben.
- Ron was able to meet my closest office friends when I asked him to come with us on a gym session, a movie, and a bowling game.
- Ross left for Singapore. Another really sad day.
- Visita Iglesia again with my favorite group of people.
- Got a new project assignment.
- G sent me a message on Facebook, apologizing for what happened some 4 years ago. Took him that long. What an ass.
- Melai surprised us with a homecoming dinner at Roboto San. Sadly, that buffet place has been replaced by John and Yoko. But that’s understandable since the food was just so-so.
- My first time to try Tao Yuan at Greenbelt 3 with Allan, and it has become our favorite restaurant because of their peanut appetizer, best Laksa, and free dessert. The service is impeccable too.
- Batangas (Lobo) trip with my AA friends, where we slept on the shore of the beach, under the stars. First time to see the milky way up there.
- Finally met my friend’s Australian fiancee, Brendan. He was really cool and I liked him.
- La Union trip with my favorite group. First time to try surfing. And I sucked so bad I never want to do it ever again.
- Officially joined the bandwagon and created an Instagram account.
- HP OlymHPics where I volunteered to be be part of the Cheerdance and the Badminton team.
- Took my ISTQB Certification Exam.
- My blog post about Banana Leaf got posted on their website.
- G and I became Facebook friends. Finally he added me up.
- Joined the HP Fun Run at McKinley Hill. Ran (well, mostly walked) 3K. We played badminton after the run and we saw Dawn Zulueta. We had our picture taken with her, which was a hit among our Facebook friends.
- Overnight in Tagaytay with my girlies. They liked my fried chicken and spaghetti. Hihi.
- Found out I passed the ISTQB Certification Exam.
- Surprise birthday feast for Allan, as conspired by Noel and I.
- The bestfriend left for Saudi without meeting up with me. I was so hurt and I kept crying for a while.
- The habagat that was even worse than Ondoy. Waist deep waters inside our home in Las Piñas.
- Was able to watch a few movies at the Cine Europa before going to work. Times like these, EMEA shift is the best.
- Batangas (Laiya) trip with my AA+ friends. A lot of drunken memories.
- Finally saw Ron again after a long time and met 2 more of his friends.
- First time to have a full body massage. My whole body was sore for like 3 days. I even asked the lady to go easy on me since it was my first time. Not sure I want to go through that again.
- I found out G was getting married. I couldn’t really explain how I felt.
- Birthday celebration with the girlies. Dampa then overnight stay at Shaw Residences.
- There was also a surprise feast for me, which I didn’t expect at all due to my being in the night shift. Noel and Allan really outdid themselves with that one.
- Moie gave birth to Rum and I got to visit their home, with She.
- Was with the ogre on my birthday. I was so happy because he was so nice to me. I felt like maybe he has changed after all. We hadn’t seen each other in years.
- Finally, a long overdue reconciliation with Flip.
- Met up with Lea and Ver on my birthday. Ver treated us to dinner.
- Had my passport renewed and I also applied for an SSS ID.
- G got married. At first I was hurt. But that didn’t last long.
- Nico and Tine’s wedding. And it’s extra memorable because I walked barefoot from Intercon to the Glorietta carpark.
- Birthday celebration with my A2 friends at Tim’s blue house.
- Rum’s baptism.
- First time to attend a lecture by Francis Kong. I love him. I was so inspired.
- Fangirling over Pam Pastor. I tagged her on one of my Instagram photos (which was a picture of the books I recently purchased and included her Paper Cuts) then she left a reply.
- First time to try Jamba Juice. I therefore conclude that it’s a hype. It’s not bad. It’s just that I had super high expectations.
- My blog turned 3 years old this month.
- I found out the manpower for my current project will be trimmed down to a few key people. I was devastated because I was not included in the short list. Fortunately, there was a change of plans and I was picked to take over the only testing role. (But then unfortunately, there was another change of plans and only an individual will stay on the project. I’m devastated twice over.)
- Our first and last project offsite. I won in the raffle. Yay!
- First time to watch Urbandub play live at the HP Christmas Party. But I failed to have a picture with Ramon Bautista, who was the host for the party.
- I missed my Coron trip with my favorite group so I could take the ITIL Training.
- I passed the ITIL Certification Exam.
- I was so disappointment after my One Conversation with my manager. It left me a little (okay, not just a little) demotivated.
- The QS Year End Party at the Island Cove was the best ever. Our team won first place in the group presentation. And it was so fun dancing the night away.
- Lea gave birth to a baby girl they named Tasya. We were able to visit them at Lea’s house in Manila. There was so much food for just 4 of us and everything was so delicious.
- A2 Christmas lunch at Amici Ayala Triangle. It was so hard to find a fit schedule so there were some who were not able to attend. And it used to be that our Christmas get togethers were overnight and filled with food and booze.
- For the first time ever, my gmail account was hacked.
- Finally made up with the bestfriend.
- I applied for a new Sun Postpaid line so I finally let go of my precious (handpicked) number which I’ve had since college.
- Saw Johnoy Danao play live again at the Mercato Centrale. I was also able to meet his girlfriend.
- I found out a dear friend passed away. I will always remember you, Timon.