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3 Haikus Part II

You’re who I prayed for.

You are the love of my life.

Let’s stay together.

 

—*—*—*—

 

We’re in the same room,

Looking at the same ceiling.

And yet I miss you.

 

—*—*—*—

 

You brighten my day.

Your smile is like a lamp light.

So warm when you’re near.

 

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3 Haikus

I looked in your eyes.

I saw tenderness and love.

I blinked, and it’s gone.

 

—*—*—*—

 

I used to love you.

I chose you before myself.

But now I let go.

 

—*—*—*—

 

My heart’s full of light.

I’m happy when I’m with you.

Everything is bright.

 

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Everything Happens For A Reason

Today I want to talk about God. And how amazing He is. I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason. The reason may not be immediately apparent but eventually the purpose will be revealed. And we will understand what used to be unclear. I want to share a story. G’s story. I may have already written about him in previous posts but let me still give a short background.

I met G when I was in grade school, 3rd grade to be exact. Young as I was, I already developed a crush on him. This carried on until we were in 6th grade and that was when I was able to convince myself I loved him. I loved him up until high school. Even when I was in college. We went through a lot of admitting our feelings, almost getting together moments. But it never worked out. There was always something in the way. But all those years, I’ve prayed to God. I prayed that God would give us a chance to be together. He was the love of my life. I didn’t see myself being with anyone else. We lose touch, then we rediscover our connection. It was a never ending cycle. Everyone thought I was wasting my time and energy with a love that was never meant to be. But still I prayed to God for him. I thought if I persevered enough and God sees how much I wanted it, He will eventually hear me.

In 2008, after leaving my first job, I thought God has finally heeded my prayers. G sought me out and everything fell into place. I thought all those years of waiting have finally paid off. I thought I hit the jackpot. Winning the lotto would not have compared to how happy I was. Not long after, things started to go sour. I began to see how different we were. The problems started to pour in. I was hurting. And I was disappointed. But because I’ve prayed so hard for it, I wanted to try a little harder to make it all work out. But in the end, my little bubble still burst. I kept asking God why. I’ve waited so long and it ended so fast. I really thought God hated me. My one wish, my one ticket to be happy, He really had to take it away.

I eventually stopped crying. And that’s when I realized that God didn’t hate me. God loved me so much and that’s why He took G away. Because G and I do not make a great team. Because G hurt me. It’s not the life God wanted for me. No matter how much I wanted G, God took him away because we wants me to have someone better. He gave me a glimpse of what life will be like with G so I will realize how wrong he was for me. God wanted me to have closure. He wanted me to stop pining for him. He wanted me to move on and find a better partner. God knows what’s best. We only need to have faith in His plans and His timing. Our darkest time will eventually reveal a silver lining. I am happy now. I like how my life turned out after I closed the G chapter. Life would have been so different had we ended up together.

And that’s why I believe everything happens for a reason. It may take time before we realize it, but it’s there. We just gotta believe it.

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SOTM

This song never fails to make my cry. I feel the physiological twist in my heart every time I hear it. It’s just so sad! But it’s everything I want to say. The lyrics are my exact sentiments at this time. I’m not up for a long post on what happened yet so this will have to do for now. *Lie down on the bed, hug pillow, try not to cry… cry a little… cry a lot…*

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Moments

We passed by each other in the hall. I tried to catch your eye, you looked straight ahead. Interesting, I thought. I was intrigued. And like a moth to a fire, I was drawn.

Another day. I found myself seating across from you. We smiled. We talked. And laughed. And talked some more. And laughed some more.

A different day. We passed by each other in the hall. We looked at each other this time. I smiled. You did too. As I walked away I kept thinking about your smile, your laugh.

We had lunch, just the two of us. I watched you eat. It’s amazing how you can eat for 3 people and not gain weight. I hated you then.

We were instant messaging all day. You’re charming in the virtual world, as you were in real life. You used a lot of emoticons. I liked that. I liked that we could talk about anything and everything. I liked that no one else can make me laugh the way you did. I liked that we were in the same wavelength. I get you. And you get me.

I sleep with a smile. Because in those moments when I’m about to fall sleep, I think of you. I replay the day’s events with you in almost all of the scenes.

I got in the car. You smiled and said, “Good morning!”. I said it back. What a good morning indeed. You held my hand while you drove. Thank God for automatic transmission cars.

Breakfast. We were seated across from each other. You were reading the paper. I picked on my food. I felt peace then. I watched you while you read, taking mouthfuls of food in between pages. I thought how beautiful you were. And I thought what it would be like if we get married.

We shopped for pillows and bed covers, shoe racks and tumblers. I imagined us getting a home together.

You were in the kitchen, making coffee. I hugged you from the back. You turned to hug me back. And then you kissed me. Fireworks were all over the place.

I asked if you wanted tea or coffee today. I prepared it for you, and you made me my coffee too. We ate some bread and cheese.

You handed me a package. I opened it to see my favorite chocolates. You remembered. I like it when you pay attention to what I say.

We watched a movie together. You put your arm around me because I was cold. I put my head on your shoulder. I sighed because I could stay like that forever.

You introduced me to your friends. I liked them. They liked me too. I introduced you to my friends. You liked them. And they liked you too.

We’d go out to eat or drink or play. I always had fun when I was with you.

You invited me to your home. And for a time that felt like my home too.

I haven’t seen you in a while. And texts became rare. Calls even more rare.

Gone was the spark. That feeling of contentment. The closeness. And in that instant, I knew it was over.